Why am I writing, this poetry again,
am I going weak, or am I going insane?
No, I think I just like to express my feelings,
I can't help it gives me, a taste of healing.
But this poem is not to my runaway,
this poem is for you, my zombie pray.
I can't help listening to the zombies at night,
should I bring my bananabox and start a fight?
Should I run to the station and get on a train,
fight all the zombies and slip on my brain?
But in my bananabox, I can run and hide,
just to shut the fuck up and keep my pride.
But I'd love to get out of this fucking place,
just brainstorm and travel to the outer space.
You only live once, why should I wait for hell?
I just keep on falling, and once again I fell.
But why am I standing, no matter what happens to me,
could it be my supernatural spirit, that set things free?
I can't help I go with the take it or leave it,
and if there's no reply, I'm not gonna wait to recieve it.
I'm trying to run, but I ramble in slowmotion,
I wanna release my wings, but it's my own emotion.
I wish I could just leave, and do the mother earth,
just live my life for the day, and make my mind fly away.
I'm sorry I took off, but I'm not coming back,
My heart is fucked up, and I'm out of luck.
We cant stay friends, with my feelings like this,
if I would ever meet you, I would steal a kiss.
And after a kiss, you'd think: Now what?
- But I would never leave ya, are you fucking nuts!?
It's sad we had so much in common, you and I,
but I'll try to find someone else, before I'll die.
I will never forget, the funny zombiehamster though,
just like the damn dressing mix, you of all know.
When I get rich, I'm going to japan for sure,
gonna find my new path, and another door.
Damn, I wish money could grow on a tree,
I'd just climb up, pick some, and then be free.
Life is unfair, and god is a joke,
but if he'd existed, I'd know who to choke.
First I'd let you jump on his head,
Then I'd do the choking if he's not already dead.
hmmmm, I should write something more here,
to end this poetry with something touching,
And now I'm not even rhyming in the end hah.
But who gives a fuck, different is unbeatable!
However, Don't write to me cause of this poem hole,
I'm just another bad ass mother fucking totem pole.
Oh my fucking god, (if he would exist)
I wanted to write more, I couldn't resist.
I was thinking of our tuned up, unbeatable golf car,
the car you could actually use, in a global ground war.
I remember how it saved us several times,
like in the olympic games where we made terrifying crimes.
It had a radio and buttons for super fast speed,
it had a horn and a seat, all that you need.
Pushing the red button and the car went wreeeeeeee,
and you and I was like going iiiiiiiiiih!
But I got more than this car to write about,
like how badly I just want to twist and shout.
Theese butterflies, are so great and stupid,
And I can not be sure on what the fuck you did.
Sure you're beauty makes everybody think twice,
and most people know you're actually nice.
But I fell for your spirit, your view of things,
your crazy mind and the happiness it brings.
This poetry really makes me feel stronger,
but I don't think this poem will get any longer.
I've not written about everything that've crossed my mind,
if I would, I know this poem, would be one of a kind.
I could end this poem with hearts and flowers like you,
but that obviously means nothing, I guess a hug would do.
Dammit, I really got a nice touching end over there,
still I keep on writing, do I have more to share?
Do I have problems with giving up or what?
Maybe I should turn off the computer and just stop.
It's in the middle of the night and I should actually sleep,
but I thought of the afterlife and then you as a sheep.
But it's always hard to sleep the entire night,
when all I want to be is your fairytale knight!
I know we would say that was a very nice thing to say,
though it's pretty pointless, when you're so far away.
I should really go to sleep now, but I'm not even tired,
I got work tomorrow morning, if I'm not already fired.
Naah, I really like my work and I'm doing good,
it's so nice to know all the fruits in the neighborhood.
No really, most people can actually be compared with a fruit,
then I tried to compare you, but you're too fucking cute!
Oh my god, where did all those kind words come from?
But I know it's always appreciated and fun to hear some.
It's pretty late now, I'm going to bed,
else my workmates will wonder if I'm not already dead.
I can't wait to get to my fruitful work,
pick the same fucking boxes like another dork.
Sweet dreams sugertop, I miss you like hell,
I didn't have to write that, I know you can tell.
My heart must be split in three pieces now,
and I try to carry on with one of 'em somehow.
I can't help I say whatever I think in despair,
my heart have been bleeding ever since March this year.
I have an endless scar right through my chest,
if you wanna have a look, be my guest.
But I dont wanna blame anyone else than me for my scar,
if you dont take any chances, you will never get far.
But it's still weird, how I don't regret a single thing,
I am the one I am, and over my life I'm the king.
I dont know if my heart will ever be the same,
but no one will ever be able to kill my flame.
You may wonder how I can write like this from my heart,
but I guess me and my self-confidence can't be told apart.
Though it also has it's back sides, people may see it, but I can't,
to some things, that I can't imagine, I might act arrogant.
Though it's not my reasons, cause I only mean well,
even if I don't believe in god and in the church rather yell.
We found each other when I was under the ice,
You helped me back and gave my life more spice.
However, It's sad that I didn't found you in the start of the year,
then I'd probably play my cards differently and use another gear.
But then again I have no regrets I swear,
I know already I've made myself clear.
I know I told you we should stay friends till the end of the light,
but you started to play with words that I can not handle all right.
And when I asked you what you meant with a certain phrase,
you said you didn't think and sent it before the erase.
But that really pisses me off, cause I didn't think it was that bad,
but when I approach disrespect like that, I can't help to get mad.
I wanted to believe in, that some stuff that you wrote were true,
but every time I started wonder, I just wanted to get away from you.
I didn't want to leave you, cause I really care about you,
but when I'm getting played, I know exactly what I have to do.
Sure I could count this as my loss if it makes you feel better than me,
I don't give a shit about it cause I just wanna be straight and free.
Looks like I'm a bit frustrated and feel rage inside,
I guess it's normal when your crush have been fried.
I try to express my feelings in this work of poetry,
but emotions can't be described when it's all about me.
But I do my best to make you get a little view,
of how easy it is to open up and try to be true.
People will probably wonder what the fuck we've been talking about,
but I dont give a shit cause memories like theese, I don't wanna live without.
However, if they ask me, I won't hesitate to tell them the craziest stories,
whatever you do with your life, I'm gonna be okay, so there's no need for worries.
I thought of ending this poem with something emotional, but it's enough,
I rather encourage you to go easy with the salt, and stay tough.
I didn't know that your feelings were the same for me,
your explaination was enough to set my broken heart free.
I'm so sorry I made you cry over me and my action,
but you drive me crazy with your beauty and attraction.
I may be a little crazy when it comes to an end,
but that makes me special and you're my best friend.
Did I just point out that you're as crazy as me?
Oh yes, but I've already thrown myself over the edge you see.
To people, I probably look stupid when you think about it,
but when you jump after me, then they start laugh about it.
It's so hard to believe that we have so much to share,
Even if I may look evil, you know how much I care.
After what seemed to be a lifetime, we started to write again,
you cried of happiness and I'm the one to blame.
But it was great to know that the reason was the other way around,
cause making you sad is like knocking myself down to the ground.
Once again I asked you if we could finally meet and let me hold you as my pray,
but it was already evening and you had to get up early to work the following day.
You explained how scared you were of that I would leave you again,
but you should know that my feelings are exactly the same.
So despite I got the "no I can't" for an answer of my request,
I could somewhat handle it better with my now unchained and released chest.
But this heartbreaking flame I had been impossible to put out,
was burning wilder than ever, and the next day it shout.
It was playing with my mind, if you only knew!
It destroyed all my inhibitions just because of you.
I went to my car and called you with my walkie talker,
how did I know your number, maybe I'm a little stalker?
But my stoneage phone had lost the connection,
maybe it had been affected by this love infection?
But I could send messages with it to you my pray,
so I wrote and explained how I was on my way.
I thought you would think I was going insane or something like that,
but your fast and happy reply made me able to just lean back.
So there I was, on my way to finally meet you,
I can't say I drove legally, but that's nothing new.
It was funny how I just took off, and how I'd forgot the way.
I'd forgot the name of the road and that was not okay!
Somehow I had driven too far and I was on the other side of town,
so I started to ask people about the road like a fucked up clown.
But I found a handful poeple who actually knew something about the way,
so I kept telling myself that I could actually make it before the next day.
Then, when I almost had lost the hope to find your home,
a fatty knew the road, so I drove there and grabbed my phone.
I wrote how I was on your road and needed a number to your house,
I saw the motor heat was over 100 degrees, but I was more aroused.
You wrote me the number and told me you were going out to wave,
My blood was rushing like crazy through my veins, - I better behave!
I saw you wave like an angel in the dark night,
I'd almost forgot how to park a fucking car all right!
But somehow, I managed to stop the town's most dangerous car,
and there you were, my unbelievable and beautiful shining star.
I stepped out, and before I'd closed my door, you were there in my embrace,
we hugged each other so tight, and there we finally stood, face to face.
We looked each other in each others deep and burning eyes,
I couldn't imagine how lips could touch that gentle and nice.
Ever since that priceless moment, I know why sugar no longer taste sweet,
with you, I'm all I want to be, cause you're my never ending heartbeat!
But I have to admit I'm a little afraid of showing you how much a really care,
I try not to be all over you, I don't wanna be to much for you to bear.
I can't help I'm so emotional, even this poetry doesn't really make sense,
cause I try to hold myself back and that's why I might act a little dense.
I know what I want and I think you can figure that out with me,
but I don't want to rip my heart out from my chest just to make you see.
I want you to discover my soul and spirit on your own,
so you can understand, that I will never let you down.
I can not be sure on how you think about everything that I've done,
but I could guess that you still believe in that I'm on the run.
That I've got a past, I want to run a away from, and try to get over,
but believe me when I say, that when I'm with you, I'm going nowhere.
You're the one I've been looking for, you're the one I adore,
you're the one I wanna be there for, you're the one, I'm sure!
I just had to call you and ask if we could get in touch.
You said yes and came over, I've missed you so much!
Just to sit there on the station and wait for the train,
it's a pain in the ass but it will never be in vain.
I can wait for you forever, I think you understand,
I'm so happy to just walk with you and to hold your hand.
I took the car to the station, I might be a lazy bum,
but I like to run over people with it, it's pretty fun!
I wanted to spin with the car and go with crazy fast speed,
but then you'd probably have asked for my very last weed.
We stepped out of my car and started to walk to my place,
fortunately we didn't get totally tricked by the garbage-cans grace.
Then we got to my home and you started to run around,
and I was just hoping my porn couldn't be found.
Then you saw the subwoofer and your eyes jumped out of your head,
I thought I should pick them up, but I turned on the sub instead.
Then I started some music and you sat there in my knee,
it was so sweet and relaxing, till the monster got free?
Some stuff in the room started to move in beat with the sub,
but now we know that we don't have to go to an inner city club.
I turned down the volume a bit and started some sweet ballad music,
I wanted to turn on something else, but then, what would you pick?
You were pretty tired and then your headache started to grow in your head,
but you know you can always be yourself with me and just stay in our bed.
I feel so relaxed with you and it's just getting better.
I'm so happy that we've finally ended up together.
Everything that crosses my mind, I can say it to you,
cause we think exactly the same and you know it too.
This priceless mutual understanding is a little hard to explain,
but it's like we've always been on the very same train.
Cause when I was knocked down, I just had to get to the other tram,
and when I finally found you, I just had to tell you who I am.
I want to explain and speak out how much I really love you,
but my heart is so weak so the effect would not sound true.
I rather wait so I can tell you straight from my heart,
I just hope you won't be afraid of my untamed spark.
You know I've been talking with my former girlfriend the last days.
She contacted me cause her jealousy was too hard for her to face.
Yesterday we talked with each other over the phone during the whole night,
I guess it was good, cause we cleared out all unanswered questions all right.
Anyways, we've finally cut all the bands and will never more speak.
We've promised each other that everything will only be memories to keep.
All I can say is that I'm sorry I have to drag you through my past,
but I had to end the last chapter just to make sure you and I will last.
I'm feeling so much stronger with you, that's why I want to meet you so much more,
maybe you could ask me out sometime, but that's maybe to much to ask for.
But I won't tolerate if I will become and turn out to be one of your "must",
I hate time, but that's maybe what I need now, to gather all of your trust.
I'm glad to hear you like this poetry I'm writing for you and me,
but I'm a little afraid of that I will run out of words you see.
It feels like I'm using just the same words from time to times,
like it's just to make this poem float properly with beats and rhymes.
I've heard from more people I know, that they like what I've stated,
but you're the one and only reason that keeps me this motivated.
You told me you would like to read something about our cooking and food,
especially about the kebab I was so happy to hear you thought was good.
I remember how I devided the frozen kebab and put it in the frying pan,
I asked you to help me with the salad, then I got a really good plan.
My hands got so cold with the frozen kebab, I should put them on your back,
but I know you'd pulled me into the freezer and then I'd been totally fucked up.
So I thought I better behave and don't try to start a cosy fight,
but who should I blame if the kebab wouldn't turn out all right?
I could say that the frying pan was bad or the kebab was out of date,
or I could just be honest and say that making food is what I really hate.
But that kind of makes sense since the other day I set the kictchen on fire,
no I didn't do that, but is it so hard to believe that it's one of my desires?
First I found it weird how I kind of enjoyed to make something for us to eat,
but now I understand that it's because you're the only one I really want to treat.
The evening came faster than ever and you asked me to walk you to the station,
but don't ever ask me stuff like that, you should know what I do without hesitation.
I'll never leave you alone, I'll always be there for you and stand by your side,
let my love be your home and I will stay with you till the day I'll die.
I never thought I'd be the one to break up with you,
I tried to hold on to us, and then just to you.
But even though I lost myself, it was not enough,
you just stood there, icecold, pretending to be tough.
Maybe you've never touched someone's soul like mine,
someone that want you more than the fucking sunshine.
You never asked me out, not even one single time,
But yet I always made you feel beautiful and fine.
I've tried to understand your complex style of life,
but I always end up like I've been stabbed with a knife.
I make you feel fine cause you know how much I care,
still you act like I am the fucking nightmare.
But I probably turned your life upside down,
and you felt like you were going to drown.
But even if that's the reason we've been torn apart,
you should know, that you'd just drown in my broken heart.
I fought for our love and fucked up realtionship.
And I could've killed for your sugarsweet underlip.
It was not easy to be pushed away, and then just go back.
Just go back to end what I believed in was more than luck.
And when we stood there outside your house and I told you it was over,
you just answered okey, goodbye, and went inside for cover.
Either you were laughing or crying, I don't give a shit,
now you can do whatever you want without having me ruin it.
However, I can't stop dreaming about you in the nights,
I wake up and I'm about to turn on the lights.
But I can't, cause I want to dream more about you,
I can never get enough of whatever you do.
I'm thinking of you, every fucking single day now,
hows the cute crazy cat doing, that can't say meow?
I want to call you, but I better wait on the internet,
I'm wondering if there's things I couldn't interpret.
Even in theese dead end days I try to be strong,
but I just keep on wondering, wtf did I do wrong?
I waited two fucking months to just be with you again,
but your cold presence made me feel like a heavy chain.
If I was sucha burden, why didn't you end what we had?
Maybe it was that you were afraid of making me sad?
But shutting me out is the worst thing you can do,
all I wanted was to be loved, just like I love you.
Maybe you're afraid of love since it can bring you down,
but how am I suppose to know from the other side of town?
My precious life haven't been a dance on roses too,
but I can open up and exlpain everything to you.
What did I do and what've you done for me,
what should I do to make you understand and see?
Like when I state we need to see each other more,
you just answer I know, but I can hear how you roar.
I'm back in the darkness, you could call it hell,
but I'm not gonna creep back into my shell.
I need an explaination and I'm gonna get it,
I've sent you a letter, I hope you've read it.
I wish you can tell me everything I need to understand,
cause I still wanna be your knight in this wonderland.
I know you're sick and there's nothing to do about it,
but I'm with you, and you know how I want to fight it.
I've tried to make you understand that you're not alone,
I want my embrace to make you feel safe and home.
I want to spend the rest of my life with you,
but then I need love and your point of view.
I don't know if you can forgive me for what I've done,
but I want your love and I do anything to get some.
You already know me and I don't use to ask for any help,
but you know I treat you as I want to be treated myself.
I want you back to love me, cause I love you crazy much,
but if I'm worthy you and your love is not for me to judge.
I dont know anymore what to write to make you see,
so I thought maybe I should climb up in a tree.
Then I could make crazy sounds and scream like a monkey.
And I wouldn't mind to have a big pink dress on me.
I wouldn't mind at all to be honest - yeehaa
I do anything to make you smile, because I love you Linnea!
I'm sorry I thought we could just stay friends just like that,
but you're so much more to me than just a crazy beautiful cat.
I dream about you every fucking singel night and I can't stop,
every time you write to me I can hear how my heart is about to crack.
My feelings are burning inside and there is nothing I can do about it.
But I know what it means and now I need to get away from it.
Everything I do, or feel, or things I see, I associate it with you,
I'm getting colder and colder and I can't explain things like I'm used to.
There's a heavy wall around my heart and inside there's chaos and fire,
I don't want to drag your heart any further through this unavoidable mire.
It's so hard for me to let go, because I'm the last one to give up love for nothing,
I really tried to hold on to you, but I couldn't make us fly with only one wing.
You tell me you won't say goodbye and that you will wait for me to come back,
But I'm not like everybody else, and you know I'm not gonna get back on track.
Life goes on and I'll find another path, cause the one to you was obviously not for me,
I hope you'll find someone better than me, someone that you can love and try to see.
You are more to me than just my best friend at the other side of town,
cause you're the only one who could make me smile when I was down.
I will never forget you, no matter what happens to me,
I will always remember, the first time we were free.
Maybe I'm just a poor ghost like your parents stated,
but I don't give a fuck if I'm welcomed or hated.
I went to your place because I love you,
I went to your place for you to love me.
I must end this poetry I'm writing too, I have to disappear.
I never thought my life would turn out to be this unfair.
Why do I find the reasons so pointless, why do I feel this deja vu,
are people afraid to open up, afraid to tell me the truth?
I know my spirit better than anyone else, and it's one of a kind,
It's probably one of the strongest, and maybe that's what tears your mind.
If I scare you let me know, because I just give what I want to get back,
if my emotions are to much to return, then please just tell me to stop.
I've never got my love returned, maybe I never will,
but this soul and spirit of love you can never kill.
love me, or don't love me at all,
for you, I gladly crush my wall.
I need someone to take care of my feelings, not throw them away,
I need someone to take me back, someone who wants me to stay.
If there is just one single butterfly still flying for me in you,
I do anything to make it last forever and you know it's true.
I don't know what to write to make you understand my feelings for you,
I just want to hold you closer than ever and never make you feel blue.
I always put my cards on the table, to let you know my feelings are true,
you're the one to decide your destiny, I can just leave it up to you.
I'm not the most handsome guy around, but I got you the purest heart,
I make you smile, I make you feel beautiful, and that's a start.
I want to hold you in my embrace during every single endless night,
just hold you so close, never let go, and make you feel all right.
Fredrik - September 2008
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